Wings

The rain pours down outside my window
And maybe this is a cliche
But it is also real
As gritty as this world I feel
Around me - no dreamy fog
Will hide me from reality anymore
And I don't want it to
I don't want to be numb
I want to feel
Pleasure and pain
And love and hate
I don't want to be empty
I don't want to be vacant
I want to dwell in me
in this body and soul
I am no longer half-healed
I am whole
And maybe parts of me are damaged
And maybe I have scars
But I sport them proudly
Because I've survived many battles
And even a few wars
But I don't have to fight today
And I don't have to run and hide
I don't have to pretend for you
That I don't have these feelings inside
And I'm not angry
And I'm not sad
I simply am
I feel something which
is possibly contenment
Awake and alive
But not euphoric
Just sane and in control
And accepting of what
I can change and what can stay the same
I don't feel that I'm to blame
For the problems of the universe
Not all of them anyway
Besides I don't believe in blame
Or fault or accusations
Everyone has some good in them
Good and bad do not exist
and black and white
World views cause slit wrists
And yes your opinion counts
But we don't have to agree
on everything or anything
And I'll still love you
Just the way you are
Just promise me one thing
Please don't say I need to change
Myself
Because that's the one thing I won't do
Not for anyone
Not even you
Even if I love you with my whole heart
If I become someone else this will all fall apart
I love me just the way I am
And if you don't then that is fine
Maybe it'll just be a matter if time
Until you do
Or don't - just let me know
Don't say you love me if you don't feel it
Because words without feelings are empty
And I've had enough empty words thrown at me
I don't have time to deflect your lies
Pick them up and sort through
What's false and what's true
And I don't think I should have to
Lies don't stick to me
I've never been wooled-over
I have never been gullible or naive
And I might not say a thing
But that doesn't mean that I believe
So the choice is up to you
If you can't read them - if you can't see
Then you will never be
One to touch the soul of me
And maybe it scares you
'Cause I'm wide open
Maybe it scares you that
I'm not afraid
To feel my feelings and to share
All of the pleasure, pain and wonder in there
I wasn't given a gift so that I could be
Cruel and empty and unhappy
I was brought here for a purpose
To show you that you deserve
Love - and that you're worth
Every bit of love in the world
That you are meant to love yourself
And then love somebody else
Give it away because it'll come back
And you'll be so perfect you'll never lack
Anything you really need
Nobody needs expensive things
Nobody needs a lot of money
They are simply shackles which
You've tied to your wings
If you limit your ambitions then you can never fly
If you hide from broken-heartedness
You will never get as high
As me
I can lend you this pair
For a while
But if you refuse
To smile
And to see the light inside yourself
Then I'm afraid it can't be helped
I'll have to take my wings away
So you can grow your own
And maybe you'll fly with me one day


ily, 2001