AND (she remembers clearly)

She remembers clearly the taste of tongues and ice cream (Neapolitan flavoured)
And nicotine and pheromones
the all-encompassing passion of shared pain and escapism
when you are numb and bleeding and she is only a half-healed wound
you crash together and bleed anew
you plant the seeds of lust and fear and pain and pleasure and violent numbness
she will give in - she will submit
she will crave your violent sexuality - but hate being the recipient of it
- you are escaping into numbness by pouring your pain into her-
and you think she's perfect
you put her on a pedestal
-where she used to dwell 
only in forgotten dreams of purity since six years-old
-when she was touched and she was told
never to say how much she hates to be touched anywhere by anyone
Like caterpillars on her skin your closeness creeps into her soul
And she laughs nervously - petrified
you scare her through and through
and she'd do anything for you
because pain and fear are better than nothingness
you will grab her pin her down and cover her with painful kisses
even though minutes ago you were screaming at each other
over your perpetual lies and other girls you've slept with
even though you swore it wasn't so
and she can feel them on your body
like dyes that taint her through and through
and now she knows the price of love
which is she'll always love and hate you
- and there is blood in the corner where your rabbits were slaughtered 
and you found out and then you cried
and the smell of death and fear and blood and rape and sex and suicide surround her
You tell her she is the world to you, that she is everything
But she knows it isn't true
You drink so much that you don't remember
Where you've gone and what you said - which lies you told
She can't say no - you make her weak
Remind her of her buried pain
You uncover her scars and tear them open
Leave her bleeding - unable to sleep for weeks
You grasp her soul and steal her strength
It makes you strong and weakens her
She is not nearly as powerful as she used to be
She crawls away with broken wings
A Nightingale which cannot sing
You have crawled inside her body
You have trespassed on her mind
You have borrowed her heart and soul
Turned her inside-out so that she can't find
Herself
She will never be the same
She sits patiently inside the flames
While this passion gives her third degree burns
Burns off her nerve-ends until she feels nothing
Until she is the void
She is vacant
She is empty
She is a vacuum
And now she's free
No heart, no soul, no love, no hate
She is now an empty slate
And she can reinvent herself
Because she is only 17
And you are an underage alcoholic


ily, 2001