Mother's Cryptic Messages

She left so many messages

but I'm afraid she never actually said anything

A frustrating mystery for me to decipher

and I honestly believe she liked it that way

It gave her a continual upper hand

She could always say that I was wrong

It was always a "figment of [my] imagination"

funny how it's always that way

I followed her messages to a dead end

fell down a hole, and hit my head

"A trap," I realized. I must be getting closer

Closer to the truth, but it was still

A long way to go

I picked myself up and looked for another message

"I don't understand you," it read

Oh, I've had this one before, it should read

"You don't understand me" - this was a warning

A confrontation automatically pursued all messages of that sort

Not much "understanding" went on, but a good battle's okay

All we know how to do anyway, is fight

We don't really communicate, because, well, that's two-sided

People must be in agreement to communicate

they both have to want to

That would be a little too much to expect

I trip again, not a trap, my own clumsiness

These messages seem to be on continual repeat

but I don't give up that easily

It's somehow in my nature to have strong feelings about loyalty

and I guess in this case it had become the bane of my existence

- So many cryptic messages - my Cryptic Dictionary

has been so well-thumbed through that it's falling apart

but there are still so many messages

I can't decipher or decode

This wasn't what i planned on doing

for the rest of my life

I had kind of hoped that some day I'd reach her

but she is always a trap or a corner ahead of me

Finally, I reach a sign

"I am there" I think and I am

but the sign reads "EMPTY"

and I understand that I've been chasing an illusion

All those cryptic messages

but now my life has not purpose

ANYMORE

ily, 1997